So hard...and so FAST????

Dear "Men,"

It's hard, I know, to know exactly what to do when you see a pretty girl on...say...a Thursday night at...say...your neighborhood bar and you want to...say...sleep with her. Harder still, I presume, when you are very successful in your career, which happens to be in a profession that women find (very) attractive.* I imagine that, generally, you get hit on a lot, and are used to having lady business thrown in your face. I also "imagine" that you were not exactly working with the full range of your senses at the time, having just celebrated being done with work for the night.

Fair enough.

On top of all this, my lady friend Bree is quite lovely, and, having been in her company on Thursday, I can say she was looking particularly fetching that night.

So taking all of this into account, I am going to empathize with you as much as possible, before saying this:

Please don't ever ask a woman within 30 seconds of meeting her whether you're going home with her. Just don't. But if you must, please don't follow it up with, "Because I will f*@$ you so hard, and so fast."

So...fast?

As the lovely Bree said in response, "I'm not sure that's what I want."

Best of luck (and congratulations on all those accolades coming your way),
"Women"

*In the interest of protecting the...well, I mean, he's kind of a douche, but whatever...we're going to leave out some salient, identifying details. But you know who you are, dude.